Monthly Archives: August 2003

Israel and peace

Israel wants peace but only has three options — all bad:

Option 1: Current option — tit-for-tat. McGoerge Bundy said the reason why the U.S. lost the war in Vietnam is that the Vietcong were more willing to die than we were to kill. That’s true in Israel today and I believe this leads to long downward spiral to quagmire hell. We’ve now had three years of little progress and with no hope in sight

Option 2: Full scale conflict. Define terrorism as war and attack its supporters. Attack Syria. Attack Iran. This plan is the most high-risk because it could ultimately lead to the entire world collectively engaging against Israel (though that’s not too different from today).

Option 3: Pull out of the West Bank and Gaza ASAP. Build a huge fence, dismantle all untenable settlements immediately. This option is likely to have some horrible short term consequences (as terrorists will be emboldened due to a perceived victory) but might be the only sane choice Israel has in the long run.

Israel, a nation that more than any other wants peace, has no good option to achieve that goal.


You’ve heard of the tons of lawsuits against tobacco because of cancer, gun manufacturers because of unwanted deaths, McDonald’s because of hot coffee burns, dot-coms because of stock price fluctuations, Cosmo because of the complex it gives to all women who are not models. So I’ve taken my lead from all these incredibly worthy lawsuits and launched my own.

That’s right, I’m suing big mayonnaise — and not just because I can’t stand mayo. I mean, what is mayo anyway? It is basically just a big swab of fat originally designed to hide the taste of rotten and disgusting French food. Heinz and Hellmann’s watch out! You’ll probably be paying me and other people like me billions of dollars (though it will likely amount to a 25%-off coupon on mustard after we deduct taxes and lawyer fees).

Ever notice there is no label on bottles of mayo saying “if you eat me, you’ll get fat?” You think that’s a coincidence? You think that Mayo producers don’t know you’ll get fat from eating mayo? I think the executives at Heinz and Hellmann’s are conspiring to create a world of fat mayo eaters — and the only people that will be able to compete are the poor in third world countries (who can’t afford mayo) and the vegans (see tofu mayonnaise).

I put on 4 pounds this summer! I used all my intuition (flipped a coin) to come to a complete scientific determination (a pure guess) that mayonnaise was behind my new largeness. Wow, someone call the cops. Those four pounds did irrevocable harm on me — it made it harder for me to pick up girls at the beach this summer which means I am single longer and might traumatize me for life (or at least having to hear my mother’s nagging about not having grandkids that much more).

Makes you wonder what else mayonnaise might be responsible for … hmmmmmm … where there’s smoke, there’s fire … I suggest that a global mayo corporate conspiracy is angling to destroy the rain forests, in cahoots with international bankers to create war in Iraq, and convince us that Gerard Depardieu is a good actor.

A brief history of Summation

Summation first blogged on Feb 3, 1997 … but it wasn’t the type of blog one sees today …

it was a web blog without the fancy tools, the neat tricks, and the ideal tracking. it was, i presume, just an old fashioned web site with a few gentle thoughts …

the first Summation blog was a random thought on advertisements in space

The first Summation newsletter was sent to 27 of my close friends… minutes later, 14 of them unsubscribed … but from the 13 loyal fans (including my brother, Jonathan), we have been able to grow the newsletter to over 12,000 committed readers …